UGH

I look bigger than ever. I went to the doctor yesterday and they said I weighed 132. Which is great considering I weighed 137 over the summer...but it's still not good. I want to weigh at least 125-120 by the summer...which of course is very doable...I just have a very hard time omitting. It's already almost the end of the 2nd week of 2013, I am proud to say I've been moving more than ever...I kinda slacked this week with the work outs but thankfully for the trains not working where I work, I got to walk .9 miles a day for everyday of the week. Yesterday, because I walked from the office to the clinic to Wendy's, I walked a total of 1.6 miles. I dont feel happy with how lazy I've been...and how out of shape I feel. But I do understand that I just can't jump from not being active to suddenly overtly active. I have to pace myself with the level that I can bring (though I need to push as far and as hard as I can and NOT BE LAZY), and from there increase everything. I know that I can do it. Also, I need to minimize my eating. If I can't record my calories since the databases do not have my foods in there, I need to (ALWAYS) control portions to foods only the size of my fist. That is all. Thank you

So Sore...

I think I'll take the rest of this week as a prerequisite week before officially starting the main workout. I've only done one day and my whole by is so sore---I hurts to even walk to sit. I need to stretch it out and do warm up activities for the rest of the week, with light work out to get my muscles ready to be moving. But I am STICKING to this! xoxo

My Emmanuel

Dear Emmanuel Mendoza, You are the one for me, and the one I belong with. Simple reasons are the more obvious ones: One, I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART. Two: you're just freaking gorgeous. Three: You're the nicest guy I've ever met. I can list down 103702387429834987 more reasons why I love you, but it is besides the point of this post. I just want to say, thank you, for being there for me always. You're always looking out for me, and I don't think there's anyone else in the world that would love and care for me like you do You're always there for me, 10000000000000% percent. You're my strength when I am weak, and I want you to know that I try to do the same to you. More importantly, thank you for your ongoing honesty. You're always so honest to me. Sometimes, your honesty can hurt a little bit, but that's the bittersweet taste of it all: you don't lie and mean you mean every word you say. The man who never promised. I think that's why I've liked you so much from the very beginning, and I want to say thank you for pushing me on. I know that this is only the beginning of this body reshaping phase, but I think that you're the cause of it all. Without you, I'll never realize any of this. I've been so used to the "no, you don't need to lose weight, you're fine the way you are" crap, that when you said "you should world out to be fit" became a :O moment. I just want to say that I'm doing it for you, yes, but I want to thank you for making me realize that I deserve it and that I should be doing this for me. More importantly, I want to thank you for making it clear that you dont care what I look like, what size I wear, or how big my stomach is. I want to thank you for accepting and loving me unconditionally for what I am, and supporting me all the way with the choices I make. Thank you for getting me to realize this, even if I know I'm really late on it. And, I want to say, YOU WERE RIGHT ALL ALONG. I hope to be with you forever, just so you can be proud of what I'll accomplish with this, and what we can accomplish together. I want to make you happy too, so my goal is to not only be fit for the next year, but to make you happy (as it was my goal for the past 3 years) I love you dearly. Thank you for everything. You're the best gift I can ever hope to receive: for birthdays, for christmas, for anything. You are the best. I love you. Sincerely yours, Me <3

Day one: December 25, 2012 I've been in and out of working out this whole year, but I think i've done a lot more this year than any other year, so even if it wasn't successful, I'm happy to say that I know I can push it. If I can push it hard enough, I know I can do it. The only thing that's so negative about me is my laziness. I need to stay committed and to stay focused on this. My goal is to be 120 or 115. I want to be fit and lose my tummy. I want to make my butt a little big, and lose a little bit of my chest by making them more up and firmer. I've seen some successful stories in ointeresT and I've really been inspired by the women that I have seen. If a girl more than 200+ pounds can get to 120 over time, I think me being 130-140ish can reach 120-115 by the end of next year, I don't want to make excuses anymore. I want to LOOK GOOD. I don't want to be skinny, I wanna be fit.

Just because I don't want to doesn't mean I won't. I wonder sometimes what the alternatives are and the possibilities . I only with

owning the night

Has it ever occured to anyone that probably the most beautiful things in this world are the most temporary? Fireworks only have a few seconds for people to admire their beauty. The sun sets quicker when you're admiring it. A day is rather sometimes too short and people can quickly forget to admire everyrhing around them.

Life, the mosr beautiful thing in existance, is the most temporary. And in one of the nights from work, while waiting for a train, I caught myself staring at the night sky, painted in dark blue and black, with a hint of purple leaving the horizons of the mystic sky, scattered light gray clouds floating by and the moon staring down on me. It was wonderful. After a long day of work, it was nice to take a breather and glance at the view and say "wow It's trully beautiful to be alive"

I've converted to Blogging

Okay, So I'm probably writing to an audience of zero to none right now, but this isn't for the audience. This is for me. When some people have noting better to do, or are often sad or confused or stressed or whatever, they have their own ways of entertainment, of venting, of recovery, of feeling better. Me it's either art or writing. I don't write for fun, I write because I some how feel better afterwards. It's much easier to remove my thoughts and write about what's bothering me than to tell it to someone. I need just need someone to tell stuff to, without them having to criticize or comment on what I just said.

So, here's my first post.

=]

I welcome me to Blogging